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I know thousands of people lost this lives this terrible tragic day but last year I lost my best friend Kathryn on this day. It doesn’t matter how they died…..we mourn the people we lost whether or family or not.

I have to trust, I have to trust…..I can do this. I can go on and make the best decisions for me

I think I need to sell my new house. I cannot take people being mean to me or calling me names and I can’t take it when I make a decision and D doesn’t like it. It just kills me. I second guess myself anyway so this just makes it worse.

The house is coming along

Before

After

Wasn’t a bad day today, I did some errands. I didn’t get them all done but I did get to rest and just veg a few hours. I got to plan my little secret library. I got the greatest idea for it. The inside of a Genie’s bottle…..how cool and magical is that?

However, then night came and I went to pick up a door I had bought on Facebook and the hell began and it stayed and stayed and stayed and finally I had enough name calling and enough abuse and I came home and took a hot hot bath and washed all the bad things away and I went and layed down and covered my head….and thought of nice peaceful ways to lay in my coffin and what I’d would be wearing. Maybe god doesn’t have a plan maybe I am just really nothing at all

I know we are not meant to see what is ahead of us by too far but I can’t believe I was meant to live in abuse my whole life. I can’t believe that would actually be a plan for me….